If there’s one choice that I would never regret having, that would be having my daughter.
She came at the least expected time. She was unplanned and unintended, a product of naive and unwise choices. But the Lord still managed to turn, what others consider as a mistake, into a miracle— a miracle that I have always needed to push through with my difficult life.
I have hemophilia. And like what you all know about my condition, I bleed profusely because of the absence of clotting in my blood. Sometimes I bleed for no evident reason.
I was diagnosed with this condition since I was two years old but there were already manifestations when I was only a few months old. But my condition came a surprise to my family since no one in my direct family has hemophilia.
In most cases, people with hemophilia (or ‘bleeders’) go through similar life struggles. To give you a few of my own experiences, I have had my fair share of challenges of fitting in with other kids, not being able to do the things I wanted and dealing with bullies while I was growing up. And since blood disorders are a concept of abstraction to children with innocent minds so in most cases, I was misunderstood because they couldn’t grasp yet what I had and the restrictions that come along with it. At times, I pretended that I didn’t have any condition so I would be accepted in the group and be able to play with other kids.
On top of that, I couldn’t do the things I want to do like playing or running around with other kids. And in as much as my heart desired to do what they do, I was restricted because simple physical contact with playmates might cause extreme bleeding and I would end up in the hospital again. There was one time that I really wanted to be a part of a basketball team, but I was too sheltered because of my sickness. So, I was constantly left behind and left to do things on my own.
Apart from that, I also had to deal with bullies. I was bullied before because of my looks and my condition. I was told that I wouldn’t even make it past 18 years old. Some even told me that I was cursed, and others just made fun of me because of how I look. Dealing with all of these was really tough for me. I got to the point that I also became a bully, I was forced to fight back so that people would give me the respect I deserve.
Though at home I get the respect, love and support from my family and friends who have been constantly there in my bests and worsts, but the gravity of discouragements at times was stronger in pulling me down.
For years, I was at a loss figuring a life that ignores all my struggles because basically I was almost done fighting for and dealing with my life. I came to the point of letting the tides take its course and I would just be swallowed whole so I need not to worry about what I had to face in my reality.
And just as when I was about to be drifted by the tides I prayed for, my daughter came in the picture and changed everything. She changed me for the better.
I found new strength, new hope and new reason to live. I found the wonderful meaning of life and why I am still surviving and enduring all the pain in this world.
I sought for medications and had a chanceful encounter with Hemophilia Association of the Philippines (HAP) and helped me find access to free treatments which was impossible for me if I had not met them. It was also through HAP that I was introduced to Virtualahan and got to avail the training scholarship.
The strength and the will that my daughter gave me were what I needed to continue my quest in living. And everything fell into the right places.
I want to find a job with sustainable income. I want to provide for her, support her and be there in her milestones this is why I am doing what I can not just to survive, but to live. I live for her, as my family lives for me.