Suffering from a chronic illness is something many could not understand. We go through a situation that we know we could never get out of yet we struggle with life just to survive not for ourselves alone, but more so for others we live for— our families.
I’m Alex. I am a licensed electrical engineer and I have worked in a company for almost two decades and have somehow earned enough to say that I have lived well financially. I’m saying this because compared to my beginnings, I didn’t have enough. I was born to a simple household. My father was an ordinary employee while my mother was a fulltime housewife, yet they were able to send me and my sister to finish our degrees
Yes, life then, especially when I started working became much better for me. But when I found out last August 2017 that I have a Stage 5 Chronic Kidney Disease due to Diabetes Mellitus, I was drowned in fear. Though I have been diabetic even then, my condition worsened. Now, I need to undergo dialysis twice or thrice a week for the rest of my life. If going to the doctor for check ups once in a month is already a financial pain for many, how much more for people like me who spend all our resources just to sustain the lives we live.
But that’s not the only medical condition that I have. I also have Retinopathy in both eyes. This came eventually due to the complications of being diabetic. I could not recognize faces, letters and numbers like average people do. I need to be at the nearest distance possible to recognize the images I see. The effect of my disease is slowly paralyzing other parts of my body. And due to these inconveniences, I had no choice but to quit my job and stay at home to lessen the piling inconveniences and physical pain that I have.
Quitting from my job and all of a sudden stay at home and not do anything was a massive change that I had to endure. I already got used to working and earning a living for myself and now I have to experience the imprisonment of being confined in the walls of my home.
Everyday memories of good old times keep coming back and it’s making things worse for me. I feel sad and sadder because I could not do the things I used to do. All those are just memories now.
I questioned God and how and why I had to be the Job in this modern life. Why do I have to endure this? I’m a good hardworking person. But why me? And why give me a chronic disease? I hid my emotions in silent tears.
But I found the answers through the people He sends to help me feel His deep love. Through my family and friends, I started to have the acceptance I have ignored all these time. I began to dream again and be back on track.
In my condition, I see the Lord’s plan of hope for me. Everyday I get my inspiration from Him because He gives me the strength to carry on with the battles of my life.